Bramasole

Dancing Leaves

2010-11-05T09:23:00.000-07:00

It’s too beautiful outside it’s painful to see.
The strong wind blows the autumn leaves and makes wonderful patterns on the streets. And while the leaves hang suspended in the air just dancing with the wind, I couldn’t help but wish that I have something within my grasp to capture the beauty of the swirling motions their colors make.
I thought, I love this place. I remember why I came here.
And now I realized, with a pang, something went wrong with my grand plan. And again, I’ve dug a hole for myself.
But time enough for regrets. I will just stare outside and let the yellow, orange, green, purple, and red leaves soothe my soul.
Wish you could see them Lee, and see them with me.

(photo's not mine, just borrowed, if only to show Lee the carpet of leaves)

The Early Months

2009-08-27T21:07:00.000-07:00

A single parent's biggest challenge here is getting a sitter. That was something I discovered in my first few weeks here. I needed to buy grocery, my son had to go with me. I needed to show up for a job interview, he had to go with me. When I got a job, I had to approach a total stranger and ask if she could look after my son while I was at work. Everyday, my heart would be racing, fearing the worst for my son -- that he'd get kidnapped, shouted at, maltreated. Then come payday, my pay cheque would immediately go to the sitter. I'd barely have anything left to cover even my bus tickets. It was a miserable life. I was dipping into our baon money, and I was homesick all the time.
I contemplated requesting for my mom's assistance, but I couldn't be sure she'd cope during the winter months. And my old apartment had only one room. I didn't want my mom to be sleeping in the futon. So my son and I braved a few more weeks of expensive baby sitting.
Mercifully, school started. I was on the lookout everyday for Filipino parents who I could ask help from. The next few months saw us moving from house to house, sitter to sitter. It wasn't a life I wanted for my son, but I didn't have a choice. Eventually, I found someone I could really rely on and it felt like a heavy load was lifted off my shoulders.
The sitter problem solved, I decided we needed something to keep ourselves sane, to keep ourselves from getting homesick, so we went out at weekends. We tried out different eating places and sampling different cuisines. The fish and chips near the Collingwood library became a favorite hub. We took ferry rides and explored other parts of the city.
Before we knew it, it was winter. I have gotten over my homesickness and have started to enjoy this new home. My parents were right when they said I am strong, that I could start over and rebuild our lives here.
Fellow Filipinos were right too...sometimes one just has to accept help when it's offered.
But not all Filipinos here think the same, but that's an entirely new story, and would need a separate blog entry:-)

Native Tongue

2009-08-27T20:10:00.001-07:00

When we got here one year ago, my son and I agreed that we'd speak Tagalog at home. We've been doing that. Whenever I meet Filipino parents, they'd ask me how come my son still knows his native language and I'd tell them about the agreement. They'd nod in approval and then some would lament that their own children have forgotten more than the language, but Filipino values as well.
For my part, I think not forgetting the language keeps my son grounded. If there's one thing I hate when I was back home, it's listening to balikbayans who have embraced everything western and snorts in disdain to anything local, and being very loud and vulgar about it. That just makes my skin crawl.
But while my son keeps the native tongue, I, admittedly, am sometimes powerless to stop him from adapting to a new way of life. Sometimes it's tiring to explain why things are so because a barrage of questions would definitely ensue, but I know it's worth it. And sometimes I wouldn't have the wisest, most ideal answer, but I know I couldn't, shouldn't, give up.

Our First Four Seasons

2009-08-09T20:11:00.000-07:00

It's been a year since my son and I packed our bags and started a new life here in Canada. It's been a year since I hugged my sisters and parents in a very tearful goodbye. It's been a year since I thought that we wouldn't make it here, wouldn't survive, wouldn't bear the loneliness and separation from our family. But we did. We survived. So here then are some snapshots of the year past.

Missing them all

2008-11-13T21:38:00.000-08:00

And some Halloween shots

2008-11-01T20:51:00.001-07:00

More Autumn Scenes

2008-11-01T19:41:00.000-07:00

See that? carpet of leaves!

To share my joy of the moment -- a boy in Adidas sweatshirt:-)

One Foggy Morning

2008-10-30T20:18:00.000-07:00

Camera's not out of focus, this is my attempt to capture this lovely foggy morning.

First Signs of Fall

2008-09-17T13:09:00.000-07:00

Sisters

2008-08-06T13:48:00.001-07:00

i'm lucky i've got three. when my son and i got here, all my resolve to start anew, rebuild our lives, etc etc dissolved when i met my first challenge: homesickness. it's such a crippling experience i wouldn't have overcome had it not been for my parents and my sisters' support. it's amazing what we could all accomplish despite the different geographical locations. it's incredible how they made things happen for me and Aj. and despite the fact that there's still a long way to go for me and aj here, i know we'd be ok, i've got all my sisters beside me.

My (global) Support Groups

2008-08-06T13:46:00.000-07:00

there's nothing like the corpuz clan. my tita and tito from oregon visited us twice already and brought us cookies and goodies to last us a lifetime:-) and an imac to boot! my cousin in florida checks on us every now and then. my cousin in germany, along with uncle george, give me crash courses about the Macintosh. my other aunt in HK also keeps in touch. once my other cousin gets to belgium, i'm sure we'll get to correspond too.

The Mighty Tambo

2008-08-06T13:39:00.000-07:00

never underestimate the power of the tambo. i love the convenience modern technology brings, but still, nothing compares to the fine sweep a tambo gives. besides, it's not at all noisy like the vacuum cleaner. my first tambo here is a gift from my tita glo. this tambo travelled from the philippines to oregon and now to my home. the mighty tambo is indeed a well travelled tambo!

Words of Wisdom (of sorts)

2008-08-03T16:22:00.000-07:00

If you keep your head when the rest have lost theirs,
You’d be the only one needing a haircut
---fred flintstone

If you lie on your back and you cry
Your tears go to your ears
---fred flintstone, again

You taught me a valuable lesson…although im not sure what it was
--- spongebob

and of course, i saved the best for last:

Sabi ni teacher pag di ako umutot magkaka sick ako
E lahat naman kami sa room umuutot
---my nephew

Vancouver, finally!

2008-08-02T02:35:00.000-07:00

Arriving in Vancouver was a totally different experience. This time, I was excited. My sister and H met us at the airport. And we finally got to see our new apartment. And everything was just perfect! There was even a pot of violet blooms to welcome us. There was coffee, and lemon meringue, and milk, and bread, and cheese, and pots and pans.
I immediately felt at home.
My son kicked off his shoes, smiled and said, "I like our apartment."
And that was enough.
Thanks sis for making it all happen for us! I'm truly grateful (and about to get mushy so I better end here).

First Week

2008-08-02T02:08:00.000-07:00

Severe attack of homesickness.
I've lived away from home and have felt homesick before, but homesickness in a foreign land, knowing that you couldn't just pack your bags and go home, made the experience crippling. I couldn't function well. I could, in some levels, enough to remember what forms need to be filed where and when. but inside, I was hollow.
By the end of the week, I was already considering really going home. It took my parents' phone call to rouse me from my stupor and regain focus. I was wailing like a little girl, but they quieted my fears, my anxieties. Then my sister in HK suggested that we could move to Vancouver and she'd meet us there. And that did it for me. The grey cloud disappeared. And I began to plan for the move.

Leaving

2008-08-02T01:19:00.000-07:00

It was tough.
Soon as my sister's revo entered the departure lane at the airport, I felt heaviness in the air. For the nth time, I fought off the urge to cry, to cling, to turn back. I wanted to be back at my apartment. I wanted to go home with my parents. I wanted to be surrounded with everything familiar. I was terrified. I thought, what have I done? what was I thinking?
We said our goodbyes and I still managed not to cry. But when I saw our plane, it unnerved me. I realized that it'd be months, if not years, before I see my family again. And my heart felt like it was bursting, and I couldn't breathe. We boarded and I tried to recover for my son's sake. When we reached our final destination, I was already drained. The interview at customs went smoothly, thank God. But the bags were torture. I couldn't lift them from the carousel. And it was difficult keeping an eye on my son and the rest of our valuables while hauling the luggages and maneuvering the quirky cart. But soon it was over. Nobody met us outside and it was a bit disheartening because I was still disoriented from the long flight, and my emotions were a bit raw from all the crying I did on the plane.
But we managed. We've landed.
We stepped out and it was chilly outside.
I thought, a step at a time, a step at a time.
Breathe.

Faces During the Holidays

2008-01-08T19:12:00.000-08:00

2007-11-21T15:35:00.000-08:00

en haut alors en bas

la vie est idiote quelquefois

Mana sa Lola!

2007-11-16T09:29:00.000-08:00

These Things I Wish for You

2007-11-16T09:06:00.000-08:00

** every so often, i come across something in the web that is truth worth repeating. This one is from Chicken Soup for the Soul's serving on September 7, 2007. For the complete story, follow the link.

By Lee Pitts

I hope you learn humility by surviving failure and that you learn to be honest even when no one is looking.
I hope you learn to make your bed and mow the lawn and wash the car - and I hope nobody gives you a brand-new car when you are sixteen.
It will be good if at least one time you can see a baby calf born and you have a good friend to be with you if you ever have to put your old dog to sleep.
I hope you get a black eye fighting for something you believe in.
I hope you have to share a bedroom with your younger brother. And it is all right to draw a line down the middle of the room, but when he wants to crawl under the covers with you because he’s scared, I hope you’ll let him.
And when you want to see a Disney movie and your kid brother wants to tag along, I hope you take him.
I hope you have to walk uphill with your friends and that you live in a town where you can do it safely.
If you want a slingshot, I hope your father teaches you how to make one instead of buying one. I hope you learn to dig in the dirt and read books, and when you learn to use computers, you also learn how to add and subtract in your head.
I hope you get razzed by friends when you have your first crush on a girl, and that when you talk back to your mother you learn what Ivory soap tastes like.
May you skin your knee climbing a mountain, burn your hand on the stove and stick your tongue on a frozen flagpole.
I hope you get sick when someone blows smoke in your face. I don’t care if you try beer once, but I hope you won’t like it. And if a friend offers you a joint or any drugs, I hope you are smart enough to realize that person is not your friend.
I sure hope you make time to sit on a porch with your grandpa or go fishing with your uncle.
I hope your mother punishes you when you throw a baseball through a neighbor’s window, and that she hugs you and kisses you when you give her a plaster of paris mold of your hand.
These things I wish for you - tough times and disappointment, hard work and happiness.

Potpourri

2007-11-14T11:05:00.000-08:00

What He's Been Doing Lately

2007-11-14T08:03:00.000-08:00

Unabashedly Proud

2007-11-13T08:04:00.000-08:00

Never Forgotten

2007-09-16T19:40:00.001-07:00

For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun? And what is it to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered? Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance. ---------- Kahlil Gibran

For Eric, because it's his 17th death anniversary today.
Did you hear your pamangkins sing Eric?
They sang a prayer for you and lighted candles for you.
We love you and we miss you.
We'll see you, dear brother, at our journey's end.

Light of the World

2007-09-10T08:40:00.000-07:00

Moving on from the infancy and the hidden life in Nazareth to the public life of Jesus, our contemplation brings us to those mysteries which may be called in a special way “mysteries of light”. Certainly the whole mystery of Christ is a mystery of light. He is the “light of the world” (Jn 8:12). Yet this truth emerges in a special way during the years of his public life, when he proclaims the Gospel of the Kingdom.... Each of these mysteries is a revelation of the Kingdom now present in the very person of Jesus. ..... Pope John Paul II

THE LUMINOUS MYSTERY

1. The Baptism in the Jordan
2. The Wedding at Cana
3. Proclamation of the Kingdom
4. The Transfiguration
5. Institution of the Eucharist

I learned this from my son when I reviewed him last night for his religion class exam. I honestly didn't know there is already a fourth mystery to The Holy Rosary. He very patiently gave me a lengthy explanation as to how this came to be, bless him.

To my cousin and her hubby far away, our prayers are with you.

Night Away from Home

2007-09-05T09:28:00.000-07:00

Last week, my son got invited to a leadership training seminar at school. Am immensely proud of him, and happy that he was one of the few picked. But the invitation was for an overnight stay at the school, and he's never been away from home that long without me as alalay. But he was excited, and I knew he'd gain a lot from the experience. Heart heavy, I signed my consent.
I packed his bags, his baon. I brought him to the venue.
Hand in hand, we entered the room full of kids from grades 3 and 4. He didn't see any familiar face and I could feel his reluctance to be left alone there. I wanted to tell him that he can change his mind, and he can come home with me, but I couldn't. I didn't. So I let him go.
When I got home, I wanted to burst into tears. The house was so quiet. Not seeing him there sprawled on the sofa watching his cartoons made me want to scream. It was all I could do not to go to school and bring him back home with me. I tried to calm down. I'd see him tomorrow, I consoled myself.
Past 10PM, I still couldn't sleep. I was waiting to hear from him. I pored over his photo albums, cried, and cried some more. He's just a baby! He's still too young to manage on his own. He needs me.
But I know he'd manage. I know he's not a baby anymore. And I know he'd need me, but I know he'd survive on his own.
But oh, how I miss him so!
When he texted, "Mama, tulog na ako," I breathed a sigh of relief. I tried to get some sleep.
5:15AM, he texted again, "Mama, gising na." I smiled to myself. He thought of me, and it was enough.
I began counting the hours till I see him again while saying a silent prayer, "Please Lord, please don't let this happen often. Let him be my baby for a few more years."
He again texted, "I love you Ma."
And I cried, boy did I cry.
He's growing up fast. And while it's too fast for my liking, it still is great seeing him take on challenges and try out new things. And my heart swells with pride each time he conquers something.
Sunduan time. It was raining so hard, and streets were already getting flooded. I didn't mind. I saw him at the school gate, waving at me. Seeing his dear face, my life's complete again. With any luck, it'd be months before another something like this happens again. I hugged him tight.

On the way home, he tells me, "Mama, our group's going camping next."

Waaaahhhh!!!

Where'd the Sun Go?

2007-09-05T07:45:00.000-07:00

My son loves shrimp tempura. So almost every week, he'd have this for baon. I'd buy 1/4 kilo of shrimp---or get from my mom's freezer when sweldo is still days away:-) ---and cook it at 5 in the morning.
Last night, I asked him, "So did you enjoy your baon?"
He said, "Naku mama, the minute I opened my lunch box, the lights went out. It's as if the sun disappeared from the sky."
Eh? I didn't quite understand the response.
He explained, "My classmates swarmed me para humingi! Dumilim bigla sa table ko nga e! They totally blocked the light!"
Reminds me of his chicken strips last year...

Don't Let Go

2007-06-27T01:28:00.001-07:00

My Immortal

2007-06-22T17:58:00.001-07:00

Months of working to the bone, and i was rewarded by being thrown to no-man's land. songs bring some comfort.

Mad World

2007-06-22T01:15:00.001-07:00

Saint Theresa's Prayer

2007-06-15T07:55:00.000-07:00

May today there be peace within.
May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received,
and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be content knowing you are a child of God.
Let this presence settle into your bones,
and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.
It is there for each and every one of us.

-- My uncle in Oregon sent me this. It's such a beautiful prayer that
it should be passed on.

2007-06-02T09:34:00.000-07:00

Two summer months
7 textbooks
2 journals
1 tradebook
not bad.
not bad at all.

The Weekend's Produce

2007-05-29T09:17:00.000-07:00

i swear, the pictures do not do justice to the wonders that are my cookies! mais il n'importe pas. what's important is that i finally got to bake and my cookie jars are kept full [well at least until my baby a.k.a. cookie monster empties it in record time!]

the pie is supposedly blueberry cheesecake, but we didn't have blueberry preserves at home, and my son didn't want to put strawberries, so we agreed on chocolate shavings. thanks to tita glo and george, the chocos are all from that box of goodies you sent. tipid ko no?

2007-05-29T08:23:00.000-07:00

So one night, my son and i were talking about greek gods and goddesses and their roman counterparts. he's fascinated with the idea of mt. olympus with all those powerful beings residing there. at one point during the discussion-cum-story telling, he probably had an overload of information and couldn't understand what i was talking about anymore. he said, "Mama, you're talking greek to me!"

Awed

2007-05-24T07:27:00.000-07:00

it's one of those mornings, the kind that takes your breath away:
the grass still wet with morning dew, the sun peeking through the trees, the last of the april shower blooms scattered on the ground, the air still damp with last night's rain, the crickets still singing their song, the world gradually coming to life, with nary a car nor a soul to spoil the sight.
---it's good to be alive and to witness it all.

2007-05-23T12:15:00.000-07:00

This summer, we lost our two lolas.
We buried Lola Elena last Sunday, thirteen days after we buried Lola Bebing.
While i know they've both had good, long lives, i feel sad at their passing. I guess there are really no words that can help soften the sorrow or lessen the loss that we feel from losing people we love. We lost Eric 18 years ago but the profound sense of sadness and emptiness never left us.
They live on in our hearts, in the memories of their teachings, and in the lives of all who know them. I console myself with the thought that now, my brother, my two lolos, and three uncles are in a place where nothing can ever hurt them again, and that they watch over us all.
And i hold on to memories. i never want to forget.

LOLA BEBING

My memories of her include her teaching my sister and me how to string tobacco leaves using pointed wooden sticks and then hanging them for the sun to dry before finally putting them inside clay ovens that looked like towers to me back then; her teaching me how to use her rustic clay kalan and how to control the flames by blowing thru a steel pipe that made interesting tunes as one blows thru it, her already singkit eyes narrowing even more as she smiled at my efforts (she'd mutter things in ilocano that i guessed meant something like when to blow hard, when not to); her dinners consisting of boiled black beans with plenty of marunggay leaves and ginger, or dinengdeng with sitao and fish bagoong; her taking us to the dried-up river where we would harvest camachile and sineguelas.

The tobacco barns/ovens
The toobacco leaves are hung within the barn as bunches at different levels. biofuels are burnt in a furnace. The heat produced in the furnace circulates and leads to curing of the tobacco leaves.

LOLA ELENA

She was one feisty matriarch, even masungit, na lola. I say this with no disrespect, for she really was the one I saw a lot of during my childhood. And she was strict. But i guess she needed to be for she was in the fish trading business.
What she knew about fish she taught my mom. I swear mom knows when’s the best time for fishermen to catch this fish or that, or when it’s safe to eat this fish, or that tahong, or this talaba. and I, in turn, was my mom’s assistant in the kitchen, negotiating my way around gills, scales, and nasty fish insides.
My cousins and I loved hanging around lola's sari-sari store. When she had enough of us, she shooed us with candies and choc-nuts as bribe. when that didn't work, she yelled at us at the top of her lungs, surprisingly loud for someone looking so frail (she was less than 5ft tall), but surprisingly effective :-)

***********

During the mass for Lola Elena, mom said a brief thank you to two exceptional people who have made Lola Elena’s last days comfortable and happy, two people who weren’t even her siblings, or blood relatives for that matter, but a hipag and a wife of a pamangkin. If there were any doubts or ill-feelings in the minds of some of those gathered in the church that afternoon, mom’s parting words, “hindi mababayaran ng kahit magkanong pera ang nagawa nila” was a fitting tribute to the two, and should lay to rest opposing thoughts.
these two people's compassion and devotion are inspiring, and very humbling.

************

Taking care of our olds till their dying days is not an obligation, but a privilege, someone once told me.

My cousin, his wife, and their four kids, made up for the shortcomings of the rest of us. Next to them, we live closest to Lola Elena, and yet we didn’t really take care of her the way they did, didn’t visit her as often as we should have had.
I look at my cousin's kids and it’s amazing to see young ones with compassion that belies their ages.

************

“Nawa’y sa paglisan ni Elena ay lalong magkabuklod-buklod ang lahat ng natitirang miyembro ng pamilya,” the priest said.

Mom, her younger sister, and her youngest brother, gathered in front of Lola Elena for the final farewell. They were flanked by their respective spouses. All around them were friends saying goodbye to lola in their own ways.
Four meters away, another brother was weeping, and wailing, “Sa pagkamatay nyo Ina, putol-putol na ang pisi ngayon.”
And I don’t know what I was grieving more for, for the Lola that we lost, or for that one poor soul who didn’t even make sacred the day, or for the future that would see the Macapagals falling apart, brother turned against brother, sister turned against sister.

Then I made a silent prayer, and a vow, to do my damnedest not to see that happen to my family.

************

There was a time when the Macapagals didn’t need a holiday, or a birthday, or a wedding, to gather and partake of meals cooked by our uncles. Any day is reason enough to get together and share meals consisting of oysters, broiled fish, and of course, everybody’s favorite—nilaga, a mixture of pork, chicken, and beef, boiled together for hours then given its final taste by vegetables like cabbage, pechay, leeks, and saging na saba.

Those days are gone.

Three uncles have died. Lolo have long left us. And now Lola.

What’s left of the clan seems to be drifting and falling apart.

Why?

Envy? Greed? Misunderstanding? Ignorance? Distance?

Why is it so difficult to try to talk things out? To understand? To forgive?

We live but once. We travel this road but once. It’s a shame to spend the rest of our lives letting anger and pride get the better of us, feeding the dark recesses of our souls. C’est dommage. And it’s heartbreaking.

************

I saw this in a site devoted to Lola Bebing:

MAY THE WHOLE CORPUZ-AMOYEN CLAN REMAIN STRONG AND UNITED.

May it also be so for the Macapagals.

For When I'm in My 60s

2007-04-25T08:38:00.000-07:00

I've long wanted to start a list, a journal maybe, of unforgettable conversations and quips i've had with my son. i figured , when i'm old and wrinkled, with my grandchildren around me, my son and i could go over this list and have a good laugh. c'est dommage i didn't start early as i've forgotten a good number already, but i resolve to jot each one from here on.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
(we were reading one night and i was already sleepy)
Mama: you think we can turn off the lights now and sleep?
He replied: was that a rhetorical question mama?

(i was showing him his baby pics)
Mama: oh no! some pics are missing here! (i must have mumbled this a lot of times)
He replied: i think we've already established that.

(out of nowhere)
When i grow up, mama, i want to be a gentleman.

Baguio Through Their Eyes

2007-04-20T23:22:00.000-07:00

I spent some of my childhood’s summer months in Baguio. It was truly cold then and the hills were grassy and studded with pine trees. Now that more and more commercial establishments and subdivisions are replacing the verdant hills that I loved, I thought the city has lost its appeal. So when we went there last Holy Week, it was really just to have some respite from the everyday life in the metro. But as we went around, I began seeing Baguio through our kids’ eyes. Discovering new haunts and trying new foods (inihaw na Baguio longganisa!) redeemed Baguio in my eyes. We didn’t go to the usual destinations. Instead, we went to:

Tam-Awan Village

A website called it “Garden in the Sky.” Located at Pinsao Proper, the place showcases indigenous craftsmanship, to enhance people's appreciation of Cordillera life, its culture and its history. It’s about 10-20 minute drive from city proper and is an ideal venue for art and cultural activities. On various parts of the hills are native huts that the Ifugaos built without using any nails, transported to the village from various sources in the region and are still in their original forms, I was told.

Once let loose in the village, my son couldn’t be stopped. He discovered this bamboo bridge that creaks when one steps on it.

He also led us to a not-too-well-worn track that we followed all the way to the top of the hill. We were able to see the whole village from where we stood.

Butterfly Sanctuary

Also inside Camp John Hay, the butterfly sanctuary is a garden where one’s supposed to learn about traditional butterfly ranching and captive breeding techniques. The four kids went inside, and, well, while I highly doubt they were taught the rudiments of butterfly breeding, at least they were each given a chance to hold a butterfly or two.

Camp John Hay’s Mini Golf

An 18-hole miniature golf course located at Scout Hill (I refuse to call whatever they call the area now), it’s a good place to lose one’s self, to laugh, to bond, and to eye other players, especially good-looking ones J ! Fee for one round (18 holes) is P75.

Strawberry Farms

Mais naturellement! What would a trip to Baguio be without strawberries?

We picked strawberries from the fields, located at La Trinidad, Benguet. I think pickers are currently charged P150 a kilogram, too expensive by my standards, but the experience is well worth it! In fact, we didn’t get to pick even a kilo, having arrived there mid-afternoon. We found out too late that picking is usually done in the morning. What’s important, though, is that everybody had a grand time peeking through shrubs for hidden delights that escaped other pickers’ eyes.
Because of the high demand for strawberries during this fruit-picking season, farmers have gotten creative: they’re now selling frozen strawberries as well. I remember this very nice hub in Quezon City that used to serve frozen strawberries. They’d put honey and fresh cream and it was such a treat to the palate.
I read somewhere that the more than 700 farmers till 77 hectares of strawberry farms in Benguet. They produce an annual average of 3,234 metric tons!

Eve's Garden

Owned by Evelyn Acosta Bond, this unique garden is situated at Upper Lampang , La Trinidad. Lunch is served strictly by reservation only. The menu offers a hearty repast of some of the freshest garden-picked greens, pasta, and grilled chicken (or choice-cut meat) atop a hilltop abode, overlooking sloping land on which grows eleven types of lettuce! We were told that they used to grow more, or at least they originally planned to, but settled on growing eleven. There were also some carrots as well as herbs like thyme and basil (my favorite).

Off to a Good Start

2007-04-18T08:26:00.000-07:00

This baby in the family started his summer classes last Monday, sort of a "break-in" before the formal classes in June. Day 1, he brought home 2 stars, and we all cheered. Day 2, he shared his hotdog snack with a girl classmate. i asked him, "Is she pretty?" He replied, "Syempre naman!" Day 3, teacher showed them illustrations of shapes for them to identify. When he was shown a rectangle, he blurted, "TV!"
hmmm.... :-)

Pausing for a while

2007-03-27T16:16:00.000-07:00

A friend's dad died at the start of this year. this month, another friend's dad died.
to them, and to my brother who left us years ago but who we all still miss a lot, this prayer is offered:

Into your hands, O Lord,
we humbly entrust our brothers and sisters.
In this life you embraced them
with your tender love;
deliver them now from every evil
and bid them enter eternal rest.

The old order has passed away;
welcome them into paradise,
where there will be no sorrow,
no weeping nor pain,
but fullness of peace and joy
with your Son and
the Holy Spirit for ever and ever.

Amen.

Happy birthday to me! [to the tune of Voltes V!]

2007-03-26T09:50:00.000-07:00

I just turned 39. one more year and I’m joining those in the rank of the big four-O. i thought this occasion deserves a good facial, a massage, a schedule with the derma, an intense diamond peel----a head-to-toe pampering, anything to delay the onset of wrinkles on my perfect oval face [haha!] with its patrician features accentuated by an equally perfect nose [even more haha!] but nah, the only way to delay the appearance of age is to enjoy life more, to dream more, to laugh more:-)
to friends and relatives who just celebrated their birthdays like me, cheers! may we all live longer, happier. may people who do not like us grow a second nose. may those who pretend to like us but do not really care about us grow beards that reach the ground. nah, just kidding. happy birthday to us! hip hip hooray!
now back to work, sigh*

Mama's Pride

2007-02-20T13:36:00.001-08:00

It was my son's oral exam at his Sibika class yesterday. each student was required na magpakitang-gilas ng kakayahan. they could sing, or dance, or recite a poem.
but this being the last grading period, we wanted his presentation to be unique.
the original plan was for him to teach the class the solar system because he could really describe it well. but i thought, it'd be refreshing if he showed the class something new and something he's really interested in. so i suggested conducting a science experiment.
i asked my mom who used to be a science teacher to teach us. we came up with a simple one entitled "The Obedient Egg." We prepared two glass bottles, one filled with tap water, the other with salt solution. Next, we painted one big illustration board blue (to depict the ocean) and drew seaweeds and waves. using my glue gun, i pasted divers and sea creatures (seahorse, octupus, stingray) taken from my son's stash of plastic toys. then I added velcro fastening on top of the waves.
Exam time. he brought out his props and "commanded" the eggs to float. one did. he explained what made it float then took out the toy ships he brought and fastened it to the ocean scenery, explaining how the same principle makes ships float in the ocean.
he ended his presentation with a trivia question and rewarded the winner with a bar of chocolate.

he got a perfect score.
he got the whole class' attention.
he got them all involved.
he made all of them listen.
they all had fun.

his presentation, simple and colorful, was even borrowed by his teacher, to be presented during the faculty day.

i've no words to explain how proud i am of him.
and it's amazing how his triumph makes me cry,
till now as i write.

Baking Once More

2007-02-20T13:00:00.000-08:00

A good friend lent me her oven and now i'm baking my oatmeal raisin cookies again. When school ends, i'll have more time to bake my other favorites: choco chip cookies, food for the gods, brownies. can't wait!

What does Spongebob have that I don’t?

2007-01-31T16:33:00.000-08:00

Well, as far as I know, my liver works fine, so I couldn’t be yellow. I don’t have chicken legs (au contraire:-)), nor do I have eyes popping out of their sockets. I do own a pair of brown shorts though. But this yellow thingy has invaded my home, and has proven to be quite an adversary for my son’s attention. Where before I could talk to my son lengthily over the phone as to what kind of day he’s had, now I couldn’t! all I get is a hello-I’m-fine-and-got-to-put-down-the-phone-now-spongebob’s-on-will-call-you-later greeting.
Ah, but this Spongebob fan, despite the 30 minutes -1 hour TV time after school, boasts of truly high grades. He’s got 97 in science (he perfected his 75-item periodical exams, you see). He even joined his grade level’s science quiz bee yesterday. So I’m more than proud, I’m ecstatic!

But I still want to know who created Spongebob:-)

Jarring Monday

2007-01-22T08:13:00.000-08:00

I had an accident yesterday.
I was making a u-turn near my place of work when out of nowhere, this motorbike slammed into my front bumpers. i hit the brakes and wham! another vehicle hit me from behind. the guy in the bike didn't fall off, thank goodness. in fact, he drove at least twenty more meters before finally stopping and checking his bike for damage.
i sat in my car, shaking. i shouted at the biker because i was already making that turn, and my signal light was on, and there was a car to my left and to my right doing the same turn simultaneously. why he hit me, the one in the middle, boggled my mind. my initial shock worn off, i shouted that he should not have been in the u-turn slot at all. clearly, he was snaking his way between vehicles while heading straight for the flyover, about 40 meters away.
in those few seconds that i was both shaking and shouting, traffic immediately piled up behind me. everybody seemed to be blowing his horn, and everybody was shouting. i didn't know what to do, and i couldn't see a traffic policeman anywhere, so i just drove off.
i didn't even think of whatever happened to my car. i didn't even have the presence of mind to truly give the biker what i truly think of him. i didn't even talk to the guy that hit me from behind. i didn't make any move except sit there, and panic.
my first taste of accident and i behaved badly. then again, is anybody really prepared for those things? how does anybody think straight at times like that?
i was shaking and crying until i got to the office. i am only thankful that my son wasn't in the car anymore when it all happened.

Lesson Learned

2006-11-23T08:50:00.000-08:00

yesterday, my son was so noisy at school that his teacher had to put some remarks on his notebook to let me know of his behavior during the day. when my son got home, he erased the remark and put a positive one instead. but being a novice at dishonesty, he did a poor job at it. my first instinct was to protect him for what was sure to come: his teacher issuing further reprimands, or worse, a conduct slip. i actually tried to cover up the torn portion of the page, and then concocting an excuse to justify the action. but i paused. i sort of saw a crossroad, a moral dilemma. i could help him get out of this one now, sure, but it really wouldn't be helping him in the long run. i'd only be teaching him to cover a blunder with another blunder.
so, it was really with a heavy heart that i told him this is one issue he'd have to face himself. he'd have to tell the teacher what he has done, why he had done it, and how he plans to make up for it. his face registered apprehension. for the rest of the night, we were both quiet. i was heartbroken because this was the first time he'd done something like that and because i couldn't protect him from the consequences of his action, and because i was feeling guilty he was so scared of what i'd tell him when i see that remark that he felt compelled to do something rash. for his part, he was quiet because he was scared to face his teacher.
morning came. i woke him up and when he suddenly remembered what he has to do today, i saw his face change. he was pensive again, and tensed. when he finally spoke, he asked me to come with him to school, to help him talk to his teacher. he's scared, he said. he was clinging to me the whole time. i wasn't sure the guard would let me in so but i said i'd do my best.
when we got there, i almost begged the guard to allow me a few minutes with the teacher. and it was such a relief he accommodated the request. i talked to the teacher first, sans my son, because i wanted to know how she would address the issue. she said a lot of the kids do that [but i maintained in my mind it's not something i'd want my son to get accustomed to]. but she assured me a conduct slip isn't forthcoming. i then let aj make his apologies. i could see he was truly sorry for what he has done.
as i was walking out the building, my son ran after me. he hugged me and cried. probably he was relieved it was all over, probably to thank me, i don't really know for sure why, but i hugged him tight in return.
i know he has learned more than one lesson today and i can only keep on praying that he sticks to that one path he knows is the right one.

2006-10-20T08:40:00.000-07:00

my son picked these santan blooms one morning on our way to his school. we would normally do a jack and poy and then flick the petals until they all fall off. but i was driving, so we couldn't do that. when we reached his school, he handed this lei to me...and, as usual, all mushy na naman ang nanay.

les fleurs ont apporté des déchirures à mes yeux.

Bragging Rights

2006-10-11T20:34:00.000-07:00

For the past two weeks, I've been sitting at this meeting that discusses forms and procedures. it is attended by heads of major units of this place i work in. anyway, i wasn't supposed to be the one sitting there, but well, i decided to find out how the group intends to go about reviewing and rehabilitating what needs to be rehabilitated.
ok, first meeting. they were dissecting this one particular form. each one proposed to remove this, add that, change this, re-word that. as each, ahem, proposal was discussed, someone else contradicts. as each idea was launched, someone else opposes. one hour and thirty minutes into the discussion, with every minute detail of the form put under the microscope, the meeting chair clears his throat and declares, "So, in summary, and after looking at the form now, we can say that we didn't really change anything at all." i could honestly say i tried my best to maintain a poker face, but the next supposedly smart person in the room mumbled, "Well maybe we could just change the font?" that did it for me. i muttered a "hmmm..." because i feared that to open my mouth would only prick this laughter bubble inside me and then i'd break into a crazy acrobatic show to celebrate that wonderful afternoon of word-juggling and senseless mumbo-jumbo.
anyway, the group referred to one other form that they seem to regard as their benchmark for all the other forms.
who designed that form?
yours truly.

From the Mouth of Babes

2006-09-11T09:03:00.000-07:00

I look at my son and wondered what would happen to him if, heaven forbid, something bad happens to me or to his dad. he'd be left alone. sure, he'd have his cousins and titas to watch over him, but basically, he'd be alone. so for some time now, i've been toying with the idea of [maybe] him having a baby brother or sister. but that would mean me having to get married. not having seen a lot of happy endings, i'm not at all keen on tying the knot, that's for sure. but i figured, it'd be fun to have another baby to take care of, and it'd be nice if my son would have an ally beside him. as i ponder on this, i floated the question to my son. he asked me why would i need another baby, and i said it'd be fun, and aren't babies supposed to make the family happy, like what his books at school say? then he said, "why, don't kids my age make the family happy?" Ek! probably i asked the wrong question, or probably i gave him the wrong reply, but his words struck me. Indeed, doesn't he? He more than makes me happy, he fills my life. and i've stopped thinking about babies now, and entrusts that idea to the One above.

2006-09-11T08:46:00.000-07:00

it's been a while since i made an entry in this blog. a lot of things happened that i should have had control over, but opted instead to self-destruct. but anyway, having survived that, i know now there are some lines one simply shouldn't cross. as usual, Someone wiser sent His angels to watch over me, and pray for me, and i am overwhelmed by it all.

2006-07-19T16:49:00.000-07:00

J'ai juste cassé mon coeur. J'ai voulu m'échapper de quelque chose et me suis dit que rien ne pourrait me faire mal plus. je ne pouvais pas me tromper plus. personne ne déteste cette vie plus que je.

2006-07-17T09:57:00.000-07:00

A very dear cousin died.

One relationship falls apart.

And another.

And life could be so tragic sometimes.

For once, I’ve no words to express my sorrow.

St. Theresa's Prayer

2006-06-05T08:00:00.000-07:00

A close friend who resides in Vietnam sent me this. Thought i'd put it here for each and everyone who reads this blog, specially family members and friends near and far.

May today there be peace within.
May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you....
May you be content knowing you are a child of God....
Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.
It is there for each and every one of us.

Ever Afters

2006-06-05T07:59:00.000-07:00

It amazes me how some couples manage to stay together. i have friends who are still very much in love with their spouses years after they've exchanged "i dos". i also have a friend who will soon tie the knot with one of the kindest men i've ever met [and who i'd like to clone soon as the french have perfected the technique]. i have cousins who have found their perfect match and are also happily married. makes me think there are happy ever afters after all! and i say this without any cynicism----for once, haha!
i think staying together is something short of a miracle, because i have a fairly good idea of the compromises one needs to do to make a relationship last---and those compromises are not at all easy to make.
so it's truly good to see happy endings.

A Peaceful Night it Wasn't

2006-05-17T09:36:00.000-07:00

yesterday i was just making a wish list; today i am going to rant about something that happened last night.
i got home, prepared to cook dinner, prepared my cross stitch, and played a little with my son. my two nieces happened to be there as well. the elder of the two approached me and asked if she could spend the night and i said yes, but wondered why. apparently she and her mom were having a little disagreement. i could get the gist of what she was telling me so i tried to calm her down by explaining things to her in a language a 7-year old could understand. the phone rang, it was her mom. i seized the chance to ask what was going on. i didn’t get a reply.
soon as i put the phone down, my mobile phone received several hurtful text messages from my niece's mom accusing me of something i didn't know i did. and it shook me because i only asked what was going on. i felt i had to know because they involved me by throwing the problem at my lap, didn't they?
but anyway, the point of all this is that it amazes me how people deal with life's bumpy roads. some cope by stepping on other's toes, some get all venomous, some sink to depression, some just cry it out, some go out on a food binge, some drown their sorrows with a bottle of vodka, and then there are some who prefer to be left alone.
life's problems get bigger and more complicated as we get older, who could disagree with that? but i've always believed that we wouldn't be given anything we couldn't handle. Someone wiser than all of us made sure of that. and the tenacity we display in the face of difficulty reflects the way we were brought up.
as a mom, i know that i shouldn't give in to each of my son's demands. well, true, this is easy for me; after all i do not have the financial capability to do so anyway. but i understand the logic behind those simple words of wisdom. the doses of frustrations my son experiences as he gets older toughens him up and builds his coping mechanism. when the time comes that he is on his own, he would be able to bear and deal with life's beatings.
and that, aside from education, is another gift we could give our kids.

A Wish List Inspired by the Rains

2006-05-16T15:31:00.000-07:00

It finally rained! And it made everything look alive again. The fire tree that i see from my window now starts to bloom. in a few more days, its red flowers will totally replace the leaves and make the tree look like it's on fire. c'est dommage i don't have a digicam or i would be able to capture the moment and feature it here. my son witnessed it last year and was truly awed by it.
school season is only a few weeks' away and i'm like...here i go again. another year of struggle, another year of doing my damnedest in making sure that nobody gets sick, that every bill gets paid on time, that my son gets to enjoy yet another year at school.
but oh, how i wish that this year would be just a little different, just a little easier, just a little kinder on me. how i wish i could just pack my bag and go spelunking with my son. how i wish those americans didn't vote chris daugtry out of American Idol. how i wish i could upgrade my P3[!] at home, continue some lessons i've started years ago, get myself an oven, a year-round free supply of Snyder's cheddar cheese pretzels, a new pair of jeans. how i wish i could eat lechon kawali without ever getting fat!
the beautiful thing about wishing is that there is no cash-out involved and there is no limit to what one can wish for. and just coming up with the list rejuvenates me and makes me feel good i'm alive!

Summer

2006-04-22T09:59:00.000-07:00

well ok, i’m not really a sun lover but my son enjoys summer—it gives him time to engage in other activities like this swimming lesson that he enrolled in recently. at the end of the ten-day-one-hour-a-day lesson, he got his first taste of a swimming competition, their class’ culminating activity. he didn’t exactly win, but hey, he learned to float and to glide through water, and that’s enough for me.

Pet peeves

2006-04-22T09:25:00.000-07:00

no matter how much one resolves to stay unaffected or uncorrupted, someone, something, always manages to crack through the barrier and then irk us no end. i particularly find fascinating some people's capability to find ways of going around the system to amass things that they deem increase their value. did they actually think that by surrounding themselves with impressive things, they'd be impressive themselves? then there are those who just lack the skill to organize themselves and are completely lazy to learn and therefore become pests to those around them. still there are those who have too much of everything but totally lack that one thing that would have made them "human". power-playing, buck passing, ego-tripping---my favorite pet peeves, emportez-les de moi s'il vous plaît.
mais quand je vais à la maison, je regarde mon fils et mon monde est juste de nouveau.

2006-04-10T15:41:00.000-07:00

Early Sunday morning, i got a call from my boss telling me that my officemate died. While he really abused his health when he was alive, the news shocked me nevertheless. i pity the family that he left behind: his four kids and the wife who has no job. the wife tells us that the bank is even threatening to foreclose on their mortgaged house. how could anyone help them? while there'd definitely be funds coming from everywhere, how long will that last? and what will the family do afterwards?
i could only pray. May God, in His infinite goodness, grant his soul eternal repose and give his family the strength to weather the tough months ahead.

My son, a gold medalist!

2006-03-23T15:04:00.000-08:00

I thought that by finishing a big project that dragged on for weeks, i'd be sighing in relief. i was wrong. how was i rewarded? i got scolded at, that's how, and in front of a lot of people, and over something i didn't have complete control over.
but anyway, that's water under the bridge. what's important to me is that the job came out very nice, more than i expected in fact. and i've learned not a few lessons.

and now, to my good news. my son is getting a gold medal in school come april 1, for academic excellence. i gave him the news soon as i could and the first thing he said was: finally, i'm getting a medal!
he's always had high grades since the time he started schooling. he has gotten other awards too, and has always belonged to the top five of his class. but being a very expressive little boy, his "expressiveness" always put him in the "noisy boys" list. and in his school, that has serious consequences, like not getting a medal despite a high average because of "misbehavior". but anyway, when this school year started, i told him to just do his best, he's only in grade 1 anyway; i even relaxed my own rules because i feel his being very vocal in school would help him a lot in later years. if i quell that now, i would also be killing self-expression. in any case, he's one soul who couldn't be easily tamed, or quelled, anyway.
so after a long haul, this news that he's finally getting one was truly a welcome surprise. and i'm happy for him, and truly truly proud of him.

Coming up for Air

2006-03-06T10:06:00.000-08:00

After so many days of staring at computers, i'm finally coming up for air. i have finished two journals, an annual report, and a souvenir program. i'm drained. i'm exhausted. i'm totally wiped out. i guess it's not so much the designing that tires me out, it's dealing with egos of varying sizes that pushes me to my wits' end. that, coupled with senseless, unnecessary disruptions from people who are supposed to help that makes me crave for a tree house to disappear to.
but anyway, for the time being at least, i can breathe. then tonight, when i get home, it's review time with my kid who is about to take his periodical exams. a few more days...just a few more...and i can just sit down and resume my cross-stitching while watching American Idol.
of course, it'd be even better if i could just pack my bag and head for the beach for a whole month of solitude, to shake off whatever this is that has been robbing me of my peace of mind for days now. but that's wishful thinking. the cause of the unease isn't likely to disappear so it's up to me to find a way to live with it.

amazing how much you take peace for granted, then crave for it when someting takes it away from you.

TGIF and Valentine's Day

2006-02-17T16:49:00.000-08:00

TGIF, although technically, work isn't over yet; there's still tomorrow to get over with before i can truly rest. however, having finished the bulk of my work today, i can heave a sigh of relief. i designed a 146-page journal straight from 10 a.m. to 7 p.m. yesterday, never pausing even for coffee breaks. doing the layout was easy, it was the image manipulations that had to be done that slowed down the work. i don't understand people who think that inserting images in a Word document is guarantee of good publication. but anyway, i did it. graphs, tables, and figures are now ready for offset printing. my back ached, my eyes burned from staring at the monitor, and my tummy grumbled from lack of food.
my week's highlight:
whoever notices valentine's day? nobody i know, that's for sure. but someone made the day special for me.
so there we were, driving to school. my son asked for P20. he does not normally bring cash to school but he said he wanted to buy some snacks for the ride home. so fine, i gave him P20. soon as he got home, he called me up and said, "Mama, do you remember the money you gave me?" I said, "Course, why?" He answered, "I used it to buy you flowers."

Falling Leaves [part two]

2006-02-08T12:57:00.000-08:00

I can't believe i'm writing about falling leaves again! it's just that from where i'm seated right now, i can see trees that, only a few days ago, were full of leaves. one swoosh of the wind and leaves of all sizes and shapes and colors join their counterparts on the ground. but while there, in mid-air, with those leaves dancing with the wind before deciding where to finally rest, the sight is just so beautiful it makes the heart ache. and if that fleeting image--my own version of "autumn" this corner of the world--already brings the heart delight, imagine what a real autumn elsewhere would do to my feeble heart [probably a heart attack!]. someone said spring is the most beautiful time of the year. not having witnessed this yet, i will neither confirm nor deny. my autumn is inspiring enough. spring might mean new life, but it's autumn that says "hope of a new life".
and look where almost half of those leaves went: right on top of my car!
errr...

A Day at a Time

2006-02-08T12:34:00.000-08:00

Over a year ago, i was faced with a truly difficult choice and a truly heavy responsibility. the path i eventually took left me alone, and angry, but very much determined. and one of the major things i had to do was to help my son see through his play therapy sessions to overcome a trauma. the healing didn't come easy or swift for him. people close to him--the class adviser, the school guidance counselor--had to be involved. but now he's ok. in fact, he's more than ok; he's doing great. he doesn't have this "anger" inside him anymore. he has friends at school. he has kept his high grades. and he is growing up just fine; naughty, but fine.
i once wrote that i've finally given him a home where he feels safe and secure. looking at him now, i know i have given him much more than that.
and i was reminded of all of these now because someone close to me is faced with a similar [in some respects] challenge. and while no words could provide comfort and assurance right now, helping someone to "breathe again" a day at a time is one of the benefits of having felt, and lived, a parallel life.

How does one breathe again?

2006-02-04T11:55:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since i last sat down and wrote for this blog. it's probably because i just realized that writing about things that upset, or things that delight, is easy. but when something totally unexpected and tragic happens, it becomes very difficult to write, or to find words to express the self.
why do some relationships fall apart? why do some don't? what does it take to hold on to one's partner in life these days? i have friends who are perfectly happy with their married lives. but those who are close to me---truly close friends and other special people around me---have suffered the pain of rejection and separation from people they have planned to spend the rest of their lives with.
again i go back to that line in the movie Under the Tuscan Sun: when someone tells you he/she doesn't love you anymore, you shouldn't have to wake up day after day after something like that. how exactly does one breathe again?

BSB Fans

2006-01-24T08:03:00.000-08:00

My son and i spent our friday night differently, for once. we watched the Backstreet Boys concert in Araneta Coliseum! well, i think i might have disappointed him a bit when he realized we won't be seating right infront of the stage [well the ticket was P5,000!]. anyway, he seemed to have enjoyed himself, so the evening was well worth the, huhu, little dent in the budget!
I was a fan of the group since college days; and i was waiting so long for them to give a concert here. so the first chance i got, i didn't think anymore, i just bought the tickets!
of course, the waiting time was irksome. why concerts are always one hour late, i wouldn't know. but when it finally started, my son literally gasped...the shouting of the crowd plus the burst of light and sound plus his favorite band's dramatic entrance playing his most favorite song from the album, just took his breath away. the dome was truly a sight to see that night. i actually didn't expect the crowd to be so huge, and the shouts to be so deafening. my son was complaining that he couldn't hear the song well, but eventually he started to sing and dance, yup, dance!
i'don't know why, but i particularly like AJ McLean the most.

Stuck

2006-01-17T15:42:00.000-08:00

There are days i get this feeling that the world has moved on without me, that i'm stuck in this corner and have nowhere to go. i'm not even talking career-wise, because i chose this particular place, this particular job, so i could achieve balance between work and, ahem, motherhood. and everything is actually working out just fine, except that there seems to be something missing. i love the view i see outside my window: trees instead of buildings. i love the fact that i do not have to pay for my parking every day and that i do not have to eat mall food all the time too. and yet, there still is something missing.
I crave to learn something new. I already know this job like the back of my hand and therefore, it has lost its challenge. i NEED to learn something new. i want to enrol in something, but what? sometime ago, i studied french and reached as high as my finances would allow me. that done, i took my IELTS and got results more than i expected. i self-studied other desktop publishing softwares to upgrade my skills [so when i say that PageMaker rules, i mean it. Publisher, Ventura, and InDesign do not even come close]
i don't know how to shake this feeling off. in a few months, i will get my new PowerBook G4 [provided by the office, of course!]. maybe that would provide a challenge---shifting to Mac again---or maybe it would not. but it would at least be something to look forward to.
and then, when i hit the lotto jackpot, i'd study interior designing, or computer animation. now wouldn't that be something?

My Five Weird Habits

2006-01-16T15:18:00.000-08:00

What are mine indeed? I have been tagged and so I'm duty-bound to reply. What's "tagged"? You can ask chic. Wouldn't be able to comply with the rest of the rules though, since i only know of one other blogger, and she isn't in the habit of making lists like this. Anyway, i'm stalling, here's mine...

I watch the movie "While You Were Sleeping" at least once a month for the past 8 years; dunno why
I watch the movie "Under the Tuscan Sun" when i'm not watching the movie stated above; this i know why
When i'm bone-tired, i relax by changing car seat covers [which takes about an hour at the very least], then cleaning the car inside out
I love kising my baby's feet---dust, sweat, and all!
I love accumulating chocolate bars, and then letting two years pass before eating them

Back to Blogging

2006-01-07T11:47:00.000-08:00

No sooner had i finished dusting my office desk than work began to pile up. Projects i thought were finished last year are back for revisions. Some even need to be re-laid out. I guess that is better than starting the year staring at the ceiling and waiting for the senses to wake up.
Now this being the new year and all, i'd like to write about something cheerful and optimistic, but after days of trying to think of positive things, i gave up since i couldn't come up with any. i think i'm really born a pessimist after all. or maybe i'm just growing old and the things that used to pep me after the Christmas holidays no longer hold any meaning or magic for me anymore.
however, this does not stop me from feeling good about the way the new year greeted people close to me. my sister got a super-nice birthday gift from my aunt and uncle; a close friend is expecting her second child; another friend is arriving from france; and my parents are well.
my new year's ominous start notwithstanding, i'm back to blogging to shake off this feeling of doom. when i get home later, i'll grab my new Narnia books or my Bella Tuscany that two angels sent me. i'll put some popcorn in the microwave and fix myself a really cold glass of iced tea. that should do the trick.

2005-12-16T11:10:00.000-08:00

May your hearth be warm, your holidays grand
And your heart held gently in the Good Lord's Hand.

May the blessing of light be upon you,
Light on the outside, Light on the inside.
With God's sunlight shining on you,

May your heart glow with warmth,
Like a turf fire that welcomes friends and strangers alike.

May the light of the Lord shine from your eyes,
Like a candle in the window,
Welcoming the weary traveller.

May the blessing of God's soft rain be on you,
Falling gently on your head, refreshing your soul
With the sweetness of litte flowers newly blooming.

May the strength of the winds of Heaven bless you,
Carrying the rain to wash your spirit clean
Sparkling after in the sunlight.

May the blessing of God's earth be on you,
And as you walk the roads,
May you always have a kind word for those you meet.

May you understand the strength and power of God.
In a thunderstorm in Winter,
And the quiet beauty of creation,
In the calm of a Summer sunset,

And may you come to realize,
that, insignificant as you may seem in this great Universe,
You are an important part of God's plan

May He watch over you and keep you safe from harm.

--an Irish blessing

Merry Christmas!

from vicky&aj

signing off now...will be back in the new year.

My Stocking's Full

2005-12-14T13:52:00.000-08:00

Sometimes it gets to me: hearing friends talk about gifts and bonuses they’ve received. It gets to me because of all the things I’ve set out to accomplish this year, the only one I didn’t quite achieve is self-sufficiency. Now, like an old woman on a rocking chair, I am pausing from my crocheting and taking stock…and wondering if the year past turned out the way I wanted it to.

In the order of importance, I have:

finally provided a home where my child feels secure
through his 9-month play therapy that I had to grit my teeth to afford for him, removed his angst that caused violent manifestations in school
closer ties with family members, especially sisters
unlimited view of my nephew and my two nieces’ antics
lesser friends [in quantity] but in no way lesser in quality; the ones I have now I intend to keep for the rest of my life
found my real stand on life, after witnessing someone try to take his
found my peace and my independence. I know now, without doubt, this is where I’m happiest---raising my child alone
a wider portfolio of books I’ve designed; the added perk is being able to read the book before it even comes off the press
these in my coffers: coffee press (that my sister gave me last Christmas); two books two angels sent me from across the seas, and more to arrive pretty soon; a car that I’ve painstakingly restored to perfect condition, after more than a year of abuse from the old driver (new scratches and dents notwithstanding :); a microwave oven (for popcorn, what else?); a mug from Paris (that I can’t wait to see); a bottle of L’Instant de Guelain and a liter of my fave Heno de Pravia cologne; a still-working Pentium 3 at home; an unopened bottle of red wine; more Naturalizer shoes than I could possibly use, thanks to one other sister
become a better driver
a car mechanic who is a real gem
discovered this magic potion you add to gasoline to improve mileage
free refresher course from my nursery lessons to---let me see now---grade 1 (thanks to my son’s school books! schools teach geometry to 6 year olds now, I didn’t learn of that till I was in high school)
completed this yet another rite of passage of motherhood: successfully orchestrating a son’s birthday bash at school
finally simplifed my life [Bo Sanchez would be proud of me]
this blog

In the order of importance, I have lost:

a friend I loved very much, no thanks to a broken car radiator
the use of a TV remote control :) ; and a replacement is not forthcoming yet

It has been one blessed year for me after all.

I still wish for the time when I’m debt-free, of course. I still wish for the time when it’d be my turn to help others instead of being on the receiving end. I still wish I could see France and Italy and that Bramasole I am sure is waiting for me. I still wish for a sparkling 16-valve blood-red convertible with free gasoline for life! Dream big, I always say!

But for now, my stocking’s full, and I couldn’t ask for more.

Highs and Lows

2005-12-09T09:25:00.000-08:00

Manila looked beautiful this morning. Yup, can't believe i said that, but it's true. After a night of downpour, Manila this morning is enveloped by very thick fog (not smog!) that made it look like one of those white Christmas scenes one sees in foreign movies. it was just so beautiful! alas, like any good thing, it only lasted a while.
In a movie entitled "Us" by Bruce Willis and Michele Pfeifer years ago, they had this custom every dinnertime of saying their highs and lows during the day, as a way of forging closer ties between family members.
This week, I had my share of highs and lows, with the "lows" almost succeeding to eclipse the "highs". The lowest was when someone very close to me and my son tried to take his own life.
I learned of his plan at around 1 am. I had to be the one, then, to inform his family of his plan so they could check on him. I had to be the one, with pulse racing, to check out on him at lunchtime if he was still alive. i had to be the one now to make sure that he stays sane and not try to do the same thing again. i ran the whole gamut of emotions: shock, pity, anxiety, and now, anger.
I find it unfair that this problem got thrown in my lap. i find it very cowardly of this person to have tried something like this. And even if i am not a very religious person, i have no apt words to say to someone who has no respect for his God-given life. But this person needs help, and, for the meantime, i'm putting not-so-pretty thoughts out of my head and helping him till he get back on his feet.
I never believed friends and family when they told me last year that i was strong, that i could manage on my own. But now, i know that i am, and that i can. And the fact that i could still try to help this other person only shows that i have grown stronger since last year.
My week's highs center on my son and family members who are far away, who, with their generous hearts, extend their support unasked, and totally unexpected.
Hence, this perfect friday morning---short though the vision of whiteness was---i'm using as balm to soothe me, and to heal me from the see-saw of emotions i've just gone through this week.

New Bangs

2005-12-07T08:43:00.000-08:00

I said that last week was tough. It was that kind of week that only chocolates, or a good dinner, or a night-out with friends, or a new haircut, could cure. And since i obviously couldn't afford the first three, i settled for the last. besides, having someone work on my hair just sort of gives the feeling that i'm being pampered, and i always feel better afterwards. so, with the sinsilyo [hmmm...that's how it sounds like when spoken in Ilocano, not sure bout the spelling though] that i still have in my pocket, off to the parlor i went. l'argent or no l'argent, i intend to get out of that parlor feeling tall again.
I trimmed my hair by about two inches, and, for good measure, asked the hairdresser to add bangs! it's the latest in hair styles, after all, haha! although i have to say it's not entirely new to me; i've always had it when i was in high school.
The following day, the new bangs got more than the attention it deserved. my boss, my peers, even the jesuit priest i worked with for a book months ago commented positively on it. i'd say, the sinsilyo was worth it!

Crazy Week and My Last Peso Bill

2005-12-01T08:50:00.000-08:00

This usually happens before Christmas time: work getting all crazy, computers konking out, etc. In our office, we are trying to come up with two 12-page bulletins and five journals before the holiday break. I am designing and laying out, at the minimum, 170 pages of journal complete with graphs, mathematical equations, and images that still need to be manipulated or enhanced. Multiply that by five and you can more or less imagine how harassed I am. No thanks to uncontrollable factors like people who couldn’t be harried with their corrections and contributions, cd writers not working at the last minute (I should get myself a flash drive!), colleagues who, instead of helping out, pass on some administrative stuff that even grade schoolers this day and age can already figure out, etc.
After office hours are being spent preparing my son for his endless long quizzes (his school decided to condense this particular grading period to just four weeks of lesson instead of the usual eight). The rest of the night I use to work on some moonlighting jobs.
With this crazy schedule, I have not been sleeping, nor eating, well lately. But it’s ok, I told myself, as the rewards would come later on. Well, one reward isn’t to be, as some other people’s idea foiled it. This caused my finances to dwindle rapidly and the last three days, I was holding on to my last P100. Two days ago, however, my son requested for pancakes at McDonald’s for his school “baon”. That cost me P26. Yesterday, he wanted the same, and there goes another P26. But when he received a very good mark yesterday at school, he reminded me of my promise to buy him the Chicken Little toy at McDo’s as reward, and I simply knew I wouldn’t be able to keep my promise, not with my last P48.
So I was anxious about going home yesterday. I didn’t want to break a promise and disappoint him. Bracing myself for his reproach, I told him the truth. My heart just melted when he said that it was ok, we can wait. He will wait, he said, till I come up with the rest of the money to afford his toy. That was the first time he has taken something like this this way. I expected him to shout, and cry, and bombard me with “but you promised!”
He’s growing up. And while I regret the fact that I couldn’t hug him and kiss him as often as I like now, I like the little man he is turning out to be. Witnessing changes in him everyday pushes work-related anxieties out the window. Besides, now that he’s older and getting taller, we get to do other things together like going around the neighborhood in bikes, or watching a movie.

He’s turning 7 in a few days’ time. Yup, that fast.

On His Own

2005-11-17T11:48:00.000-08:00

It's my baby's school outing today, the first time he'll ever go on a day-long trip without me. I figured it's about time he tries it on his own. Days before today, he was anxious and was requesting me to go with him. he had so many concerns [like not being able to manage to change his own clothes!] but i tried to calm him and convince him that he would do just fine without me. It's flattering that he still wants me there, but i know that he'd benefit more if he starts doing things on his own now.
Last night, he tried one last time to ask me to accompany him. I said no, even if--funnily--i'm having separation anxieties of my own! By way of compromise, i agreed to bring him at least to his classroom.
So hand in hand we entered the school gates. No sooner have we made ten steps when a classmate called out his name. Without even looking back at me, he ran and played with his friend. I shouted my last-minute reminders for the trip but he wasn't listening anymore. I wanted a goodbye hug and a kiss but that couldn't be had anymore, sigh! So much for his anxieties.
It's an experience beyond words seeing your child wanting to remain a child so he could cling to you but wanting and needing to grow up at the same time.
I know he'd be ok and that he'd enjoy this day.

2005-11-14T08:42:00.000-08:00

It's finally here! My book's finally here! I can't believe it! I am so happy i have to put the picture of the two kind souls who gave it to me here.
Thank you, thank you! I am almost hesitant to start reading it as i might not be able to have any work done at all, hehe.
Notice the villa on the cover? I believe that's the same one i have here in the header of my blog.
My book has travelled far. Right after i sent that email to my auntie and uncle in the U.S., they got me a copy. I still can't get over it, how easy it is for them to get hold of any book they need when it's too difficult to do the same here in Manila.

Trick or Treat?

2005-11-07T11:37:00.000-08:00

Our kids went trick or treating last weekend. While it wasn’t an event my sisters and I indulged in when we were growing up [for one, Filipinos do not really spend Halloween that way back then, twasn’t a Filipino custom to begin with; secondly, we wouldn’t have money to buy costumes with anyway], it was really fun seeing the kids all dressed up and excited with their candies.
Doesn’t Jillian look sweet in her fairy costume? And Erika, well, she’s got to be the slimmest she-pirate I’ve ever seen in my entire life! There probably are less and less ships with gold to steal and sailors to torture at sea, that’s why. And AJ, he has got to be the chubbiest Batman ever! Good thing I was able to persuade him to wear that costume again [he wore it last year]. Now that he’s about to turn 7, he suddenly realized how funny and ridiculous it is that superheroes wear briefs outside their tights! And then of course, Geof, that kitty cat at the bottom, wouldn't be outdone!
Guess who got the most candies? Geof! Even before the three older kids went around for trick or treat, Geof, aided and abetted by his mom, was already charming witches and warlocks with his costume. Of course he didn’t get to eat his candies, hehe, he had his older cousins and sister Kaka to help him with that.

Remembering Eric

2005-11-03T09:57:00.000-08:00

He’d have been 29 now-probably married and with kids-if not for that fishing trip with friends 15 years ago. There are days when I still think of how that day could have ended differently. My brother’s friends’ account of that morning still makes me seethe within. They said that one minute he was just sitting on top of a rock and the next thing they saw was him already underwater. Precious minutes ticked by and they did nothing. When help finally came, it was too late. The doctor-less hospital where they took Eric when he was finally hauled out of the water should burn to the ground.
What became of his friends? One, I believe, got married, the other is a bum. I’d say that’s irony (and stop here, because the next thoughts should not be said aloud anymore).
If Eric were still alive, I’m sure he’d have enjoyed playing with his nephews and nieces. I’m sure he’d have enjoyed fixing their bikes and going around the neighborhood with them. My son would have someone to play basketball with. If he were alive, I’m sure he’d be as tall as an electric post now, for he was one lanky fellow.
When I was studying in Baguio, every time it was time to go back to school after a sem break was particularly difficult for me. Eric would wave goodbye at our gate and I would wave back till I couldn’t see him anymore. There were days when my mom would take him to Baguio during her vegetable-buying trips. In one of those trips, he visited me once at school. It was raining hard and he was soaked to the bone and quivering. When it was time for them to leave, I remember the feeling of wanting to beg them not to go. I think there wasn’t a day during my college years when I wasn’t homesick. I graduated and got a job and my first 13th month pay went to an uncle who helped me finish college, and the rest, to Eric’s first guitar. He loved that guitar, and he was heartbroken when it got crushed at an LRT ride. One time, I went to Malolos and my cousin Bong gave me a puppy which I hid in a bag. When I got home, I asked Eric to put his hand inside the bag and that was how he met Mac. We called the puppy such because the tv series MacGyver was a family favorite.
He was always “fixing” something at home. He particularly liked tinkering with electric wires and in one of my sem breaks, he showed me his “project”: a bulb lighted up inside his clothes cabinet each time the door was opened.

I like to think he hasn’t forgotten us. I like to think that he has forgiven us for whatever guilt feeling we have for some things we should have done of him but didn’t. I like to think that at some point in his short life, he felt he was loved by us, his family.

The Boys at Age Two [almost]

2005-10-20T22:23:00.000-07:00

Our family's next generation has been blessed with two handsome boys and two lovable girls. today's entry features the two boys. soon as i get new pics of the girls, i'll be putting them here too.

Similarities between the two:
AJ's first word: Mama [of course!]
Geof's: Mama [of course also!]
AJ's fave toy: Daga
Geof's: the neighbor's cat
AJ's fave food: hah! everything he sees!
Geof's: pretty much the same!
Where AJ got his looks from: his dad [daw]
Where Geof got his: from his papa [am sure of this]

Difference between the two:
hmmm...i'll need help on this...

Three Angels

2005-10-19T07:54:00.000-07:00

I was having a truly miserable day yesterday. i was fighting the urge to shout and throw my car off a cliff when three angels decided i've had enough beating for the day and decided to turn things around, finally and mercifully.
first, i was told that my cousin who has been expecting her first child has finally given birth to a healthy baby boy. then, i was told that a truly special friend is out of danger already in another hospital in france. lastly, a most precious ally called me up, let me have a good cry, and helped me break down anxieties in manageable proportions in my panicked mind.
someone up there still remembers me.

Not One, but Two!

2005-10-12T08:47:00.000-07:00

hats off to my two lawyer uncles who recently got promoted to judge: tito caloy and tito ruben. when i was in college, i stayed at tito ruben's home. i saw his and tita brenda's children--my cousins--go through their adolescent years, and know them well in the process. i particularly like my memory of the youngest, ruth, who was only a baby when i first appeared on their doorstep. now she's graduated from college and is based in the u.s. lilian, the second to the eldest, was the one i got to relate to more as her age is, well, closer to mine. she is now the proud mother of two-year-old arielle, and, with hubby Peter, are also based in the u.s. then there's lovelyn who used to be the most reserved of the brood but has become less of that now and waits in anticipation for the coming of her [and doc soc's] son any minute now.
tito caloy and tita julie's children are geoff [doctor], belle [lawyer], jenny [teacher] and christian [college student, although i think he might have graduated already].
congratulations my uncles!

Cathy and the Armchair Reader

2005-10-10T09:25:00.000-07:00

Cathy Guisewhite is the author of the daily 'Cathy' strip, which started in 1976. Her caricatures are simple and I like her haphazard way of self-satirization [is there even such a word?], particularly when she is faced with major dilemmas in the form of a bag of chips or uncooked cookie dough, haha!
anyway, I used to be able to read her comic books at Armchair Reader, a library located at shopping malls where people could just come in when they’ve gotten tired of window shopping, sit themselves in the one of the plush seats with overstuffed back cushions, read books, and drink coffee or tea for FREE! some books could even be taken home for a minimal fee. back then, I could borrow cathy comic books for only P10 per day. it’s such a pity that it stopped its operations. I guess it was ahead of its time. if only it would reopen, I’m sure my son would enjoy the place. these days, when we enter a bookstore, my son finds himself a corner, gets a copy of Dr. Seuss or a book of maze, and tells me to come back for him after a few minutes. maybe there ought to be an Armchair Reader for kids?

The Horse Whisperer

2005-10-06T10:51:00.000-07:00

Well, the setting isn’t exactly the inter-mountain West, but well, there are horses in Europe, too, aren’t there? And the actress in this picture is Asian, so I guess we could say that this is the Europe version of the movie---with a slight Asian twist :). But if one’s not familiar with the movie, let me say that it was based on the novel written by Nicholas Evans and published by Delacorte Press in September, 1995.

While I’m at it, let me explain the term “horse whispering”. It is a kind of euphemism for a state of being, a relationship between a human and a horse [according to the director of the movie, Robert Redford] He also said that it is a way to be with horses that sends a message of understanding and compassion, that is, instead of beating a horse into submission, or using punishment as a tool, it's a way of developing trust and understanding---understanding who you are and respecting your place with one another.

But well, enough of that. my system now craves for coffee, and lugaw [the café downstairs should sell this everyday!] which I hope chickpeace will write about, and give a recipe for.

Was I Wrong? I Couldn't be Sure

2005-10-05T13:39:00.000-07:00

NEWS FLASH:

The teacher responded to my query by adjusting my son's test paper results! she said she even consulted the grade school coordinator. she acquiesced to my view that there really was confusion in the instruction. am so relieved! perhaps it was a small issue really, but it's just that there was one other time when my son got another minus, this time for not following instructions. so every test thereafter, he really took extra care to read his paper before answering questions. am glad this minor issue was received well by the teacher. the added score is definitely a bonus!

My son presented to me his quiz results yesterday. As always, he got cool scores. But when i got to his Reading subject results, i got dismayed. he made a mistake on the last portion of the exam which instruction said to put a check on the statement that tells the main idea of the story. my son checked one box. he got a minus 2 for that segment. why? because, apparently, there were three statements that tell what the story's about. so i asked my son why he checked only one. it was puzzling because this little boy really loves to read. he answered, "e mama, the instruction said to check 'the' statement. so that means, one statement only." technically, i'd say he's correct. otherwise, the teacher could have written "check all statements that tell etc etc". i asked one other sister what she thought of it, and i got a quick reply of "e di all statements applicable!" ek! was i wrong? was my son wrong in interpreting the instruction? other kids checked more than one box.
cases like this, i think what's important is that instructions shouldn't be vague. to put my mind at ease, i made a note to the teacher. i would not want my baby to encounter the same thing come periodical exams. i would know tomorrow what she thinks.

Crazy over Pretzels

2005-10-04T13:20:00.000-07:00

I skipped breakfast as i normally do and had one coffee after another instead. i can even afford to skip lunch if i want to. there's one thing, however, i simply do not have the heart to turn my back on: pretzels! two salesladies dropped by our office carrying samplers of Auntie Anne's almond pretzels with sweet glaze topping and viola! there goes my lunch money! but it sure was worth it. i particularly love its fresh butter taste.

the other brand of pretzels i am completely bowled over is Snyder's. my sister who is based in hong kong willingly and lovingly [ahem!] buys me bags of this, as, for some reason or another, i couldn't find it anymore in any supermarket here in the philippines. just how crazy do i get over a bag of snyder's? particularly cheddar cheese? i wouldn't even share it with my son!

Jilly Baby!

2005-10-03T14:29:00.000-07:00

Super duper adorable! I mean, next to my son, of course, hehe.

Blooper

2005-09-30T08:24:00.000-07:00

I saw my son to his classroom's door this morning. I helped him carry one 2.5L Coke bottle filled with .25 centavos for a classroom project. the coins are supposed to be donated to needy families. and it was sooooooooo heavy that when i was about to give it to him [and i was taking care not to be seen by his classmates because he wanted to present it himself to the class; in fact, he even said that his classmates would love him for it, hehe], the bottle slipped from my hands and made such a loud noise when it hit the floor! my golly, i stole my son's thunder! i made a quick apology while making a hasty exit. clumsy mama, i could sense he wanted to tell me, good thing he didn't. i could count my blessings! but anyway, he was immediately swarmed by classmates who helped him with his load. i smiled to myself, he is going to have one good day!

Happy 3rd Birthday Jilly!

2005-09-29T11:27:00.000-07:00

My niece and godchild, Jillian Macy, celebrated her 3rd birthday last Monday. She spent it with classmates at the preschool she goes to. On Sunday, her whole family will celebrate it again with her. Here's a supposed-to-be-birthday-greeting of Irish origin for your day:

May those who love us, love us;
And for those who don't love us,
May God turn their hearts;
And if He can't turn their hearts,
May He turn their ankles,
So we will know them by their limping!

Opps, that didn't sound quite right, did it? Hehe. What i meant was:

May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back,
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
The rain fall soft upon your fields,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

I searched for the meaning of her name, and got this:
Jillian=youthful; Macy=enduring.

Not a Quitter

2005-09-29T09:21:00.000-07:00

Four out of the five school days last week, my son had been extra, uhm, playful and talkative in school, so much so that his name was always in the "Noisy Boys" list. This week, he vowed to change that. Well, he didn't exactly succeed last Monday. But yesterday, he finally did. His name was finally off the list and, as if to reward him for his valiant efforts, his team also won the math contest, which in turn earned for him another star for their Star Quest contest. Haha! When he got home, he called me up in the office and said, "Mama, what did i tell you? Di ba i told you i would not stop trying? Well, today, i wasn't noisy! Told you i am not a quitter!"

The Future of World Cup

2005-09-27T13:39:00.000-07:00

Period.

Brave tots!

2005-09-27T12:03:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, my son and my niece went on a doubledate to the dentist for tooth extraction. actually, it would have happened sooner if my niece weren't terrified [she actually cried!] the first time she saw the dentist's chair. she said she'd only go back to the dentist if my son had a tooth removed too [guess she's making sure she's not alone in the process and that if it had to hurt, then they would ouch together, hehe]. So my son, haha!, obliged. he agreed to have a tooth extracted, and we set another appointment with the dentist.

Minutes before the "operation", my niece's hands were definitely very, very cold. she was trying to smile but i knew how terrified she was. my son--and i think that was gallant of him--volunteered to go first, to assure his cousin that there was nothing to be scared of. when it was my niece's turn, she bravely stood up and sat on the dreaded chair. the dentist, bless her, handled her well, so much so that when it was done, my niece was actually smiling, this time for real, because, she said, the dentist let her in on her and my son's "secret". whatever it was, am only too happy her first dental experience turned out ok.

Onward comrades!

2005-09-27T12:02:00.000-07:00

Errr...maybe you go and I stay and man the fort?

New Driving Skill

2005-09-22T08:35:00.000-07:00

Aside from wide peripheral vision and alertness, Manila drivers now need another important skill to negotiate city roads: dodging potholes without bumping into the next guy’s car! The rains and the floods effectively washed out the asphalt from the concrete roads [that’s right, asphalt on top of concrete! at least, that’s how bumpy roads get repaired in this part of the world] leaving huge potholes the size of the moon’s craters. now, it would have been fun looking at vehicles bobbing in and out of holes as though they were in a rough road dirt rally. but the sad truth for motorists like me is that this translates to expensive repairs on the shocks and suspension bushings. hence, the need for the dodging skill. I was actually laughing while driving as I was zigzagging my way along straight EDSA. when I got to my son’s school, I just know a pat in the back is in order for my newfound skill!

Moms Can't Get Sick

2005-09-22T08:09:00.000-07:00

Over the weekend, i got tonsillitis. Funny, because i thought that's just one of those illnesses that adults should be old enough to know how to avoid. Well, this adult didn't. And the discomfort of having twin marbles stuck at the back of my mouth was compounded by terrible pains in my joints as well as high fever. I simply wasn't able to get up from my bed. And since it was the weekend, my babysitter went home to her baby daughter, which left me and my son alone in the house. That was when i realized that truly, mothers couldn’t get sick. I couldn’t cook, couldn’t bathe my son, I couldn’t even prepare his dede! That was also the time when I realized that sometimes, it is good to ask for, and receive, help.

L'encre de tes yeux

2005-09-13T01:52:00.000-07:00

Puisqu'on ne vivra jamais tous les deux
Puisqu'on est fou, puisqu'on est seuls
Puisqu'ils sont si nombreux
Même la morale parle pour eux
J'aimerais quand même te dire
Tout ce que j'ai pu écrire
Je l'ai puisé à l'encre de tes yeux.

Je n'avais pas vu que tu portais des chaînes
À trop vouloir te regarder,
J'en oubliais les miennes
On rêvait de Venise et de liberté
J'aimerais quand même te dire
Tout ce que j'ai pu écrire
C'est ton sourire qui me l'a dicté.

Tu viendras longtemps marcher dans mes rêves
Tu viendras toujours du côté
Où le soleil se lève
Et si malgré ça j'arrive à t'oublier
J'aimerais quand même te dire
Tout ce que j'ai pu écrire
Aura longtemps le parfum des regrets.

Mais puisqu'on ne vivra jamais tous les deux
Puisqu'on est fou, puisqu'on est seuls
Puisqu'ils sont si nombreux
Même la morale parle pour eux
J'aimerais quand même te dire
Tout ce que j'ai pu écrire
Je l'ai puisé à l'encre de tes yeux.

Paroles et Musique: Francis Cabrel 1980 "Fragile"

Falling Leaves

2005-09-06T20:33:00.000-07:00

Was just looking out the window when a gust of wind suddenly blew, causing leaves of different colors and sizes to fall and scatter on the zen garden that is painstakingly kept immaculate by the campus' blue guys. i can just imagine the look on their faces when they see the new collection of leaves that now adorns the green grass.

His Time to Shine

2005-09-05T20:41:00.000-07:00

Since the time he started school, my son has been getting good grades. Each schoolyear end, however, he gets disappointed at not getting at least one medal. Last March, he was even one of the section honors, though not enough to land him a medal. I have of course explained to him that the medal isn't all that important [and all the other things every mom say to help a child get over a disappointment].

But last night, he was telling me, "mama, did you know that there were only three of us who got the Best English Speaker Award?" No, i didn't, so i asked him how he knew. He said that after the flag ceremony attended by students of the morning session from grades 1 to 3, the principal asked those who got the award to raise their hands. he raised his. and that moment right there, even when i didn't see it, i am sure that my son's smile shone the brightest.

Butterfly Kisses

2005-09-04T20:19:00.000-07:00

There's two things I know for sure
She was sent here from heaven
and she's Daddy's little girl
As I drop to my knees by her bed at night
She talks to Jesus and I close my eyes
And I thank God for all of the joy
in my life
Oh, but most of all, for...

Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer
Stickin' little white flowers all up in her hair

"Walk beside the pony Daddy, it's my first ride
I know the cake looks funny Daddy
but I sure tried"

Oh, with all that I've done wrong,
I must have done something right
To deserve a hug every morning and
butterfly kisses at night

Sweet sixteen today
And she's lookin' like her mamma
a little more every day
One part woman, the other part girl
To perfume and make-up,
from ribbons and curls
Trying her wings out in a great big world
But I remember...

Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer
Stickin' little white flowers all up in her hair

You know how much I love you Daddy
But if you don't mind
I'm only gonna kiss you on the cheek this time

Oh, with all that I've done wrong,
I must have done something right
To deserve her love every morning
and butterfly kisses at night

Oh the precious times
Oh, like the wind the years go by
Precious butterfly
Spread your wings and fly

She'll change her name today
and she'll make a promise and I'll give her away
Standing in the bride room just staring at her
She asked me what I'm thinking and I said
"I'm not sure, I just feel like I'm losing my baby girl"
And she leaned over...and gave me...

Butterfly kisses with her mamma there
Stickin' little white flowers all up in her hair

"Walk me down the aisle Daddy,
it's just about time
Does my wedding gown look pretty Daddy?
Daddy don't cry"

Oh, with all that I've done wrong,
I must have done something right
To deserve her love every morning and
butterfly kisses

I couldn't ask God for more
Man, this is what love is
I know I've gotta let her go,
but I'll always remember
Every hug in the morning and butterfly kisses

I heard this song while I was driving on my way to my son’s play therapy session. If anybody wants to listen to it, here’s a link that allows you to do just that.

Good morning Blues!

2005-09-04T20:16:00.000-07:00

Saturday night, my son’s dad’s family invited us to dinner. The restaurant where we dined gave away stuffed dogs for every order of its fruit shakes. My son ordered three glasses so he could get three toys: one for him, the other two for his cousins Kaka and Geof. He [my son] named his dog Blues Clues.
When we got home, my son toured Blues Clues around the house, saying “This is the dining room, this is the kitchen, and this is the bedroom where you will be sleeping with me and daga.” The following day, as I was kissing him good morning, I thought I heard him mumble good morning to me too! But boy was I ever wrong! What he was really saying, and to whom, was: Good Morning Blues! Serves me right for being presumptuous!

An Awardee…again!

2005-09-04T20:15:00.000-07:00

My little boy got an award for being the best English speaker of his class this grading period! Well, what do you know? It’s actually the third time he got awarded that. Maybe I should write Nickelodeon, Disney Channel, and Cartoon Network a thank you note? Nah, my son earned it, fair and square. And he surely deserved it.