On His Own

It's my baby's school outing today, the first time he'll ever go on a day-long trip without me. I figured it's about time he tries it on his own. Days before today, he was anxious and was requesting me to go with him. he had so many concerns [like not being able to manage to change his own clothes!] but i tried to calm him and convince him that he would do just fine without me. It's flattering that he still wants me there, but i know that he'd benefit more if he starts doing things on his own now.
Last night, he tried one last time to ask me to accompany him. I said no, even if--funnily--i'm having separation anxieties of my own! By way of compromise, i agreed to bring him at least to his classroom.
So hand in hand we entered the school gates. No sooner have we made ten steps when a classmate called out his name. Without even looking back at me, he ran and played with his friend. I shouted my last-minute reminders for the trip but he wasn't listening anymore. I wanted a goodbye hug and a kiss but that couldn't be had anymore, sigh! So much for his anxieties.
It's an experience beyond words seeing your child wanting to remain a child so he could cling to you but wanting and needing to grow up at the same time.
I know he'd be ok and that he'd enjoy this day.

It's finally here! My book's finally here! I can't believe it! I am so happy i have to put the picture of the two kind souls who gave it to me here.
Thank you, thank you! I am almost hesitant to start reading it as i might not be able to have any work done at all, hehe.
Notice the villa on the cover? I believe that's the same one i have here in the header of my blog.
My book has travelled far. Right after i sent that email to my auntie and uncle in the U.S., they got me a copy. I still can't get over it, how easy it is for them to get hold of any book they need when it's too difficult to do the same here in Manila.

Trick or Treat?

Our kids went trick or treating last weekend. While it wasn’t an event my sisters and I indulged in when we were growing up [for one, Filipinos do not really spend Halloween that way back then, twasn’t a Filipino custom to begin with; secondly, we wouldn’t have money to buy costumes with anyway], it was really fun seeing the kids all dressed up and excited with their candies.
Doesn’t Jillian look sweet in her fairy costume? And Erika, well, she’s got to be the slimmest she-pirate I’ve ever seen in my entire life! There probably are less and less ships with gold to steal and sailors to torture at sea, that’s why. And AJ, he has got to be the chubbiest Batman ever! Good thing I was able to persuade him to wear that costume again [he wore it last year]. Now that he’s about to turn 7, he suddenly realized how funny and ridiculous it is that superheroes wear briefs outside their tights! And then of course, Geof, that kitty cat at the bottom, wouldn't be outdone!
Guess who got the most candies? Geof! Even before the three older kids went around for trick or treat, Geof, aided and abetted by his mom, was already charming witches and warlocks with his costume. Of course he didn’t get to eat his candies, hehe, he had his older cousins and sister Kaka to help him with that.

Remembering Eric

He’d have been 29 now-probably married and with kids-if not for that fishing trip with friends 15 years ago. There are days when I still think of how that day could have ended differently. My brother’s friends’ account of that morning still makes me seethe within. They said that one minute he was just sitting on top of a rock and the next thing they saw was him already underwater. Precious minutes ticked by and they did nothing. When help finally came, it was too late. The doctor-less hospital where they took Eric when he was finally hauled out of the water should burn to the ground.
What became of his friends? One, I believe, got married, the other is a bum. I’d say that’s irony (and stop here, because the next thoughts should not be said aloud anymore).
If Eric were still alive, I’m sure he’d have enjoyed playing with his nephews and nieces. I’m sure he’d have enjoyed fixing their bikes and going around the neighborhood with them. My son would have someone to play basketball with. If he were alive, I’m sure he’d be as tall as an electric post now, for he was one lanky fellow.
When I was studying in Baguio, every time it was time to go back to school after a sem break was particularly difficult for me. Eric would wave goodbye at our gate and I would wave back till I couldn’t see him anymore. There were days when my mom would take him to Baguio during her vegetable-buying trips. In one of those trips, he visited me once at school. It was raining hard and he was soaked to the bone and quivering. When it was time for them to leave, I remember the feeling of wanting to beg them not to go. I think there wasn’t a day during my college years when I wasn’t homesick. I graduated and got a job and my first 13th month pay went to an uncle who helped me finish college, and the rest, to Eric’s first guitar. He loved that guitar, and he was heartbroken when it got crushed at an LRT ride. One time, I went to Malolos and my cousin Bong gave me a puppy which I hid in a bag. When I got home, I asked Eric to put his hand inside the bag and that was how he met Mac. We called the puppy such because the tv series MacGyver was a family favorite.
He was always “fixing” something at home. He particularly liked tinkering with electric wires and in one of my sem breaks, he showed me his “project”: a bulb lighted up inside his clothes cabinet each time the door was opened.

I like to think he hasn’t forgotten us. I like to think that he has forgiven us for whatever guilt feeling we have for some things we should have done of him but didn’t. I like to think that at some point in his short life, he felt he was loved by us, his family.