May your hearth be warm, your holidays grand
And your heart held gently in the Good Lord's Hand.

May the blessing of light be upon you,
Light on the outside, Light on the inside.
With God's sunlight shining on you,

May your heart glow with warmth,
Like a turf fire that welcomes friends and strangers alike.

May the light of the Lord shine from your eyes,
Like a candle in the window,
Welcoming the weary traveller.

May the blessing of God's soft rain be on you,
Falling gently on your head, refreshing your soul
With the sweetness of litte flowers newly blooming.

May the strength of the winds of Heaven bless you,
Carrying the rain to wash your spirit clean
Sparkling after in the sunlight.

May the blessing of God's earth be on you,
And as you walk the roads,
May you always have a kind word for those you meet.

May you understand the strength and power of God.
In a thunderstorm in Winter,
And the quiet beauty of creation,
In the calm of a Summer sunset,

And may you come to realize,
that, insignificant as you may seem in this great Universe,
You are an important part of God's plan

May He watch over you and keep you safe from harm.

--an Irish blessing

Merry Christmas!

from vicky&aj

signing off now...will be back in the new year.

My Stocking's Full

Sometimes it gets to me: hearing friends talk about gifts and bonuses they’ve received. It gets to me because of all the things I’ve set out to accomplish this year, the only one I didn’t quite achieve is self-sufficiency. Now, like an old woman on a rocking chair, I am pausing from my crocheting and taking stock…and wondering if the year past turned out the way I wanted it to.

In the order of importance, I have:

• finally provided a home where my child feels secure
  
• through his 9-month play therapy that I had to grit my teeth to afford for him, removed his angst that caused violent manifestations in school
  
• closer ties with family members, especially sisters
  
• unlimited view of my nephew and my two nieces’ antics
  
• lesser friends [in quantity] but in no way lesser in quality; the ones I have now I intend to keep for the rest of my life
  
• found my real stand on life, after witnessing someone try to take his
  
• found my peace and my independence. I know now, without doubt, this is where I’m happiest---raising my child alone
  
• a wider portfolio of books I’ve designed; the added perk is being able to read the book before it even comes off the press
  
• these in my coffers: coffee press (that my sister gave me last Christmas); two books two angels sent me from across the seas, and more to arrive pretty soon; a car that I’ve painstakingly restored to perfect condition, after more than a year of abuse from the old driver (new scratches and dents notwithstanding :); a microwave oven (for popcorn, what else?); a mug from Paris (that I can’t wait to see); a bottle of L’Instant de Guelain and a liter of my fave Heno de Pravia cologne; a still-working Pentium 3 at home; an unopened bottle of red wine; more Naturalizer shoes than I could possibly use, thanks to one other sister
  
• become a better driver
  
• a car mechanic who is a real gem
  
• discovered this magic potion you add to gasoline to improve mileage
  
• free refresher course from my nursery lessons to---let me see now---grade 1 (thanks to my son’s school books! schools teach geometry to 6 year olds now, I didn’t learn of that till I was in high school)
  
• completed this yet another rite of passage of motherhood: successfully orchestrating a son’s birthday bash at school
  
• finally simplifed my life [Bo Sanchez would be proud of me]
  
• this blog
  

In the order of importance, I have lost:

• a friend I loved very much, no thanks to a broken car radiator
  
• the use of a TV remote control :) ; and a replacement is not forthcoming yet
  

It has been one blessed year for me after all.

I still wish for the time when I’m debt-free, of course. I still wish for the time when it’d be my turn to help others instead of being on the receiving end. I still wish I could see France and Italy and that Bramasole I am sure is waiting for me. I still wish for a sparkling 16-valve blood-red convertible with free gasoline for life! Dream big, I always say!

But for now, my stocking’s full, and I couldn’t ask for more.

Highs and Lows

Manila looked beautiful this morning. Yup, can't believe i said that, but it's true. After a night of downpour, Manila this morning is enveloped by very thick fog (not smog!) that made it look like one of those white Christmas scenes one sees in foreign movies. it was just so beautiful! alas, like any good thing, it only lasted a while.
In a movie entitled "Us" by Bruce Willis and Michele Pfeifer years ago, they had this custom every dinnertime of saying their highs and lows during the day, as a way of forging closer ties between family members.
This week, I had my share of highs and lows, with the "lows" almost succeeding to eclipse the "highs". The lowest was when someone very close to me and my son tried to take his own life.
I learned of his plan at around 1 am. I had to be the one, then, to inform his family of his plan so they could check on him. I had to be the one, with pulse racing, to check out on him at lunchtime if he was still alive. i had to be the one now to make sure that he stays sane and not try to do the same thing again. i ran the whole gamut of emotions: shock, pity, anxiety, and now, anger.
I find it unfair that this problem got thrown in my lap. i find it very cowardly of this person to have tried something like this. And even if i am not a very religious person, i have no apt words to say to someone who has no respect for his God-given life. But this person needs help, and, for the meantime, i'm putting not-so-pretty thoughts out of my head and helping him till he get back on his feet.
I never believed friends and family when they told me last year that i was strong, that i could manage on my own. But now, i know that i am, and that i can. And the fact that i could still try to help this other person only shows that i have grown stronger since last year.
My week's highs center on my son and family members who are far away, who, with their generous hearts, extend their support unasked, and totally unexpected.
Hence, this perfect friday morning---short though the vision of whiteness was---i'm using as balm to soothe me, and to heal me from the see-saw of emotions i've just gone through this week.

New Bangs

I said that last week was tough. It was that kind of week that only chocolates, or a good dinner, or a night-out with friends, or a new haircut, could cure. And since i obviously couldn't afford the first three, i settled for the last. besides, having someone work on my hair just sort of gives the feeling that i'm being pampered, and i always feel better afterwards. so, with the sinsilyo [hmmm...that's how it sounds like when spoken in Ilocano, not sure bout the spelling though] that i still have in my pocket, off to the parlor i went. l'argent or no l'argent, i intend to get out of that parlor feeling tall again.
I trimmed my hair by about two inches, and, for good measure, asked the hairdresser to add bangs! it's the latest in hair styles, after all, haha! although i have to say it's not entirely new to me; i've always had it when i was in high school.
The following day, the new bangs got more than the attention it deserved. my boss, my peers, even the jesuit priest i worked with for a book months ago commented positively on it. i'd say, the sinsilyo was worth it!

Crazy Week and My Last Peso Bill

This usually happens before Christmas time: work getting all crazy, computers konking out, etc. In our office, we are trying to come up with two 12-page bulletins and five journals before the holiday break. I am designing and laying out, at the minimum, 170 pages of journal complete with graphs, mathematical equations, and images that still need to be manipulated or enhanced. Multiply that by five and you can more or less imagine how harassed I am. No thanks to uncontrollable factors like people who couldn’t be harried with their corrections and contributions, cd writers not working at the last minute (I should get myself a flash drive!), colleagues who, instead of helping out, pass on some administrative stuff that even grade schoolers this day and age can already figure out, etc.
After office hours are being spent preparing my son for his endless long quizzes (his school decided to condense this particular grading period to just four weeks of lesson instead of the usual eight). The rest of the night I use to work on some moonlighting jobs.
With this crazy schedule, I have not been sleeping, nor eating, well lately. But it’s ok, I told myself, as the rewards would come later on. Well, one reward isn’t to be, as some other people’s idea foiled it. This caused my finances to dwindle rapidly and the last three days, I was holding on to my last P100. Two days ago, however, my son requested for pancakes at McDonald’s for his school “baon”. That cost me P26. Yesterday, he wanted the same, and there goes another P26. But when he received a very good mark yesterday at school, he reminded me of my promise to buy him the Chicken Little toy at McDo’s as reward, and I simply knew I wouldn’t be able to keep my promise, not with my last P48.
So I was anxious about going home yesterday. I didn’t want to break a promise and disappoint him. Bracing myself for his reproach, I told him the truth. My heart just melted when he said that it was ok, we can wait. He will wait, he said, till I come up with the rest of the money to afford his toy. That was the first time he has taken something like this this way. I expected him to shout, and cry, and bombard me with “but you promised!”
He’s growing up. And while I regret the fact that I couldn’t hug him and kiss him as often as I like now, I like the little man he is turning out to be. Witnessing changes in him everyday pushes work-related anxieties out the window. Besides, now that he’s older and getting taller, we get to do other things together like going around the neighborhood in bikes, or watching a movie.

He’s turning 7 in a few days’ time. Yup, that fast.